What Parents Can Do

If you're a parent who has limited knowledge of computers and access to the internet, you could easily
become a predator's victim.  Understandably, you can't supervise the computer at all hours, and often
have no idea what it's even being used for. Whether your home computer is personal or business, it
always seems to be used by curious children, often times even against your permission. This creates
the predatory environment that pedophiles are using to find children. The following will discuss a few
steps you can take to be more prepared for dealing with such solicitations.

Step 1: Knowledge is Power

Do you actually use the internet frequently? Sure, you're online if you're reading this page, but if I asked
you, "Do you have Yahoo! Instant Messenger or AOL IM  installed?" or "How do you access the browser
History to see where your child has been surfing?", would you know how to go about answering those
questions? Even if you do know the answer to those two specific questions, it goes to stress the
point - how much do you really *know* about the computer and internet?

Your children will be inquisitive and probably learn at a faster rate about computers than you,
especially if you don't use the computer often. This will mean they will carry on more
communications you won't know about, many of which you won't approve of. To keep a better
eye on what they're doing, you need to understand as much as you can about it. This may mean
you have to do one of several things:

• Get online and use the computer, often if you can, daily. Setting aside a mere 15 minutes to
  browsing the internet a day can help vastly. Visit the regional chatrooms of popular services like
  Yahoo! for yourself, so you can see firsthand the massive amount of sexual dialogue and
  unsupervised behavior that goes on. The internet is very useful, so finding an excuse to go
  online isn't very hard. If you like sports, movies or music, you can often find all the information
  you need on them online. If you are religious you will probably find church activities organized
  online for your local area by other churchgoers. If you are at an absolute loss for finding a
  reason to use the internet, then go ahead and ask your other extended family members if they
  have online contact information. E-mail is one of the most convenient ways to keep in touch
  with relatives and distant friends. The internet ranges from useful learning to casual entertainment.
  Most importantly, if you have children who go online, by using it yourself you'll have an idea
  of what they mean when they say are "chatting" or "surfing".                

• Getting online frequently serves a secondary purpose, if there is only one household computer
  and you are using the internet, then your child isn't. Keeping the machine occupied for whatever
  reason will force them to consolidate their time, thus having less time to go into places like chat
  rooms where solicitations and adult content are more than likely to be found.                

• Learn about your web browser (Internet Explorer, Firefox, Netscape,etc). It can keep a History
  log of websites visited (CTRL+H). If you pay attention to who uses the computer, you can often
  backtrack through the materials they are browsing. If you notice certain chat services often, try
  visiting those rooms to see that they are like. If you find sites for your local community, find out
  what kind of sites those are. Keep in mind that History logs can easily be deleted, so the
  History log may not represent all the surfing done.       

• Come to a personal standard as to what is/isn't violating your child's privacy. You can find ways
  to spy on virtually everything your child does through your computer, either through special
  software, or advanced computer techniques. Depending on your views on parenting, some
  of those things may be unhealthy for your relationship with your child. What is and isn't are
  standards best set by you, but it is important that you have standards. Your child will
  undoubtedly be upset if they find you reading their e-mails or chat logs, so be prepared to
  address their concerns when asked. If in doubt as to what your kid is really doing online, the
  first and sometimes easiest solution is to talk to them and simply ask.Usually that simple
  question will produce the dialogue necessary to find out if your child is doing anything
  dangerous online.           

• It is very important that you do create dialogue with your kids about what they do online. Ask
  them what sites are cool or interesting, and then go visit those sites. Find out what programs
  they use to keep in touch with friends. Use the same instant messenger they use. Become
  familiar with "buddy lists" and programs such as MSN Messenger, Yahoo! Instant Messenger,
  ICQ, and AOL Instant Messenger. Find out their features, and use them. Not only will they
  convenience you in talking to people online, doing this will familiarize you with the tools
  your kids are using to chat with online. This is important, because many IM (Instant Messenger)
  programs will keep logs of conversations with the appropriate settings, be sure these
  settings are turned "on". You may even want to try to acquire the login information for your
  child (if this doesn't violate your personals standards on privacy). Knowing how it
  works allows you to quickly identify what it is your children are doing when you walk
  into the room,as well. If you notice they are often using chat programs, for instance, it
  might be worth wondering who it is they are talking to.  

• If you don't own a computer or have one that is never used by your children, that doesn't
  mean you shouldn't still learn these things. Children now spend a lot of time on the computer
  away from home, especially at library terminals, and also at friend's houses. Keep in mind
  that in this sense, it'll be nearly impossible to watch over absolutely everything they do.
  The importance of learning more about the computer and learning more about what your
  child is doing with it, will allow you to put concerns to rest.             

Step 2: Spotting the Problem

Here are several signs to determine if a child may have been solicited online. Use these
tips to find out the truth.

• If you feel comfortable with it, you should find out more information on parental spy software.
  Such programs can capture images of your computer as it's being used, and log all keystrokes
  made to keep tabs on conversations. Safesurf programs and parental net blocks will prevent
  some sexual content from being accessed easily, and more importantly block the chatrooms
  where many solicitations can occur. Keep in mind that you should always abide by your own
  personal standards on parental privacy when weighing whether you should use such tools or
  not, and be prepared to address questions by your child if confronted about the use of such
  tools. Also be sure to know that using such tools is not foolproof, as they can all be
  circumvented in one way or another. If exercising this option, make sure you are fully
  informed as to the functionality of the spy program before downloading/purchasing it, so
  you know it's proper use and are aware of how it works. Be sure to read the "Software"
  area on this site.

• Find out how much online time your child spends chatting, and ask what kind of people they
  chat with. Learn all the chat definitions!  If you get the opportunity to, gloss over their buddy
  list. Are any of the screen names sexually suggestive? Is there a short list of screen names
  that seem familiar, or a large list with many that seem unfamiliar? Details such as this can help
  indicate whether your child is merely talking to existing friends online,or using it to actively
  locate new friends (which often puts them in the path of sexual predators online).                   

• When looking through your browser history (CTRL+H), pay attention for things like Yahoo! Profile
  pages, web personals, and dating sites. If your children are visiting these kinds of pages, it may
  indicate that they have been solicited by someone online or are attempting to meet others. Be
  even more concerned if you find that your child has posted their own profiles on these sites,
  especially dating sites, as this highly suggests they are using the internet as a medium to
  meet people (making them the predatory pedophile's primary target).                   

• Small things, like how they react when you come into the room, should be noticed. Are they
  closing chat windows or trying to cover the screen when you walk by? If your child appears to
  be doing something suspicious, chances are they are doing something suspicious. That rule
  applies for parenting in general, but especially for the internet. If you feel, by interacting with
  your child about the internet, that there is suspicious activity going on, that feeling is often a
  sign that there is indeed something worth looking into.                   

• If your child goes out often and, instead of spending time having friends over or using the
  phone, they spend many hours socializing with friends online, that can be pattern behavior
  for those being groomed by online predators. Children don't make good 'net junkies, and
  chances are, if their friends online who they meet aren't coming over so you can meet them
  too, there is a reason they aren't. If your child spends more than an hour online each day
  chatting, you might want to check into just what they are using the computer for. Be concerned
  if your child makes a lot of friends online who you never meet personally - you never know
  who those people might be.      

• Try to meet (in person) anyone your child currently hangs out with that they talk to frequently
  online. This can help you ensure that they are peers and not perverts. If your child won't
  cooperate in allowing you to meet their new friend, that is a danger sign you should take
  immediate notice of. If you cannot meet the people your children spend time with, get
  phone verification from the households your child will spend time at, making sure they are
  indeed spending their time where they say they are.                   

• Discourage your child from meeting people they have only known online. Be sure that they
  understand that people online are almost always not who they present themselves to be,
  and that meeting those people can put themselves in dangerous situations.                   

Step 3: Tricks of the Trade 

With some of those thoughts in mind, you may want to find ways to keep your child from
spending too much time online, and direct them away from the aforementioned chat rooms
when they are. Here are some tips to keep their time online limited and preoccupied.

• What a child can do with a computer is limited by what room it is in. If it's in a well-traveled
  room, the chances of having risqué conversations or playing with webcams is limited.
  Keep in mind that in the conventional household, no room is monitored 24/7.                   

• Having  limits on computer use can help if you feel it's appropriate for your household situation.
  Simply say "no" to getting online if they have spent too much time on it or disconnect it from the
  internet.                   

• Don't get webcams or other devices that might encourage exhibitionism (video camera/digital
  camera) unless you are willing to take care of these things in a place where your child won't
  get into it or you can supervise. What reason does your child have for using such web imagery?
  Keep in mind that exhibitionism through webcams and web photos is encouraged highly in the
  oversexualized regional chatrooms, and you don't want to give your child the option to
  choose to participate in that scene. Also keep in mind that having personal photos online
  or in your child's 'profile' can encourage internet stalking, which often leads to being targeted
  by predators in other, more disturbing, ways. If you have pictures on your personal web page,
  be sure to only give out the URL to family and friends, you can even make it password
  protected if you want to.                   

• If you own multiple computers, you can keep the router or hub in a secure location, and manually
  disconnect the computers running to other rooms from the internet so your children can't go online
  at night. Some routers such as LinksYs , allow you to designate certain computers in your home to
  disconnect from the internet at a given time. You can block access to the internet all nite and
  have it automatically unblock in the morning.  If you have multiple computers, it's highly
  recommended that you do not allow your child to have a computer in their room. At the very
  least, your child having their own personal computer is a privilege to be earned, not to be given.                  

• Despite the controversy of video game violence, video games are an easy way to occupy
  computer time. After all, if your child is playing a video game, they are not in chatrooms being
  groomed by predatory pedophiles. Whether or not this strategy is in line with your parenting
  beliefs, is entirely your decision.     

• As simple as it is, simply spend more time with your kids. This will not only preoccupy them,
  but it will encourage the dialogue needed to get to know your children better. Knowing them
  better and developing trust with them is the best way to make sure you notice those early
  warning signs before they develop into dangerous situations.